Wedged in the thick of the new Aksarben development, Mojo has a very clean, hip and fast-casual sort of aesthetic.  Except, unlike most fast-casual, it serves almost exclusively Nebraska or regional beer.   And it doesn’t cost a ton of money.  And it’s technically sit-down.  But let’s not split hairs.

The staff is exceptionally friendly; a girl opened the door for me when I came in (don’t even know how she knew I was entering) and my server Chester is a totally awesome dude.

I come in, sit down, and Chester greets me straight off, brining me a menu and asking if I want a beer.  I order an Upstream-brewed Dundee Scotch Ale.  I’m not sure how they pull this off, since Upstream is notoriously guarded about their beer, but I’m not going to complain.  Chester walks me through the menu and has great advice along the way.

Let’s talk about the menu;  no disappointments here.  This is exactly what you want to see on the menu at a smokehouse.  Ribs, burgers, chicken, PORK….the list goes on.  They know what you will like and what you won’t, and the menu reflects that with no compromises.  I love it.

I land on the Mojo’s Own Badbird, a smoked, pulled chicken sandwich.   Chester sells me on the red beans and rice; “if you like spicy or Cajun or anything like that, you gotta get this, so good.”

So uhhh….WOW.  This place is fast.  No sooner than I finished the last sentence then Chester brings out my dish.  Not that I really expect any less, but the day-after-opening-day at most places usually leaves much to be desired in the speed department.  Not here.

Mojo's Own Badbird

I start off by tasting the red beans and rice.  Disclaimer:  The presentation of this dish does it no justice.  It looks like crappy pintos and rice.  But wow.  You’re in for a hell of a surprise.  Chester did not steer me wrong.  That is a quality side.  Nice and hot, bursting with Cajun flavor.  Great dish.

The sandwich is delicious.  Great, soft, fresh, eggy bread, which is essential for good barbecue/smoked meats.  The chicken is just delightful; tough, not too much sauce, GREAT SMOKE, just a thoroughly good piece of meat.  Some people may have been expecting a little more tender chicken, but I personally like it with a little chew, especially with that smokey flavor.  They dress it with only pickles, which I’m guessing are locally made and compliment extraordinarily well.

I get one of the owners, Fletcher, to come over to my table.  He’s an awesome guy; shakes me hand and talks about the vision of the place a bit.  The goal is all-local; even down to the Cajun ketchup I got as side, made from Hunt’s in Conagra.  I decide not to argue with him about whether or not Conagra really fits the definition of local or not, because honestly, they clearly care about this and have made the best effort possible.  But, you can tell from the menu and how they talk; they are passionate about local stuff, and this menu is chock full of it everywhere you look.

He goes on to talk about delays with the liquor license and what he wants to do with the aesthetic.  I hear him out, but I honestly kind of like the minimalist approach they have in there now.  But, I don’t get the sense they’re going to do anything but improve it.

I ask Fletcher about the bread and whether it’s made at Rotella’s.  He confirms that it is and reiterates his dedication to local food.  I tell him that I’m asking because it’s amazingly similar to the bread at McKenna’s (72nd and Pacific) which I was told that Rotella’s made specifically for that establishment only.  Fletcher and Chester tell me that the namesake chef of McKenna’s is, in fact, in charge of Mojo’s kitchen at the moment, and now it makes total sense how they kick so much ass.  Fletcher tells me, “If you’re going to do something, you need to do it right and get the right people in place.”  SECOND THAT.  And you’re doing a good job.  McKenna is a fantastic start.

Chester comes back and we talk about the beers for a bit.  I decide I’m going to try a Cardinal Pale Ale, a local beer made by Nebraska Brewing Company, and the only one on the list I haven’t tried.  It turns out to be a hoppy, but very light ale.  Not overly crisp, but with a very smooth finish, which cuts down on the bite you get from that taste.

Chester talks me into trying a dessert.  I order the Pecan chip torte.  Chester brings out a dish that is most clearly the chocolate mousse by accident.  I don’t have the heart to tell him or complain, because I almost ordered it and because…well…it’s DAMN GOOD.  Very velvety, rich and smooth.  Just melts right on your fork.  Great dish.

"Excuse me, this isn't what I orde--...ahshdsklh, nom nom, nevermind"

I’m ready to go and and ready to rate it.  Here it goes:

Staff:  A+   Super friendly, knowledgeable.  These guys would chat with you all day and still get your food out quickly.

Food:  A  I want to be careful with my plus here because I only tried one dish with one dessert, but if it’s a sign of things to come this place is going to be a hit.  It lives up to the name.

Beer:  B+.  I’m a little disappointed that they don’t have their own beer since “ales” is in their title, but I LOVE the local/regional beer concept.  Need to see what else they can add that comes from around here.

Management:  A+.  Guy who started Duffy’s and Misty’s teams up with the guy who started McKenna’s?  Abusive to the competition.  But seriously, extremely well managed, no hiccups even though it was new, and some great food.

Overall:  A.  You won’t be disappointed; come on in and enjoy.  Glad I went.  Can’t wait to go back!!

Smell that?  It’s spring.  And it’s finally here!  In Omaha, that means seeing the first baseball game of the season last night.  And even though everyone left because the temp dropped to 34 degrees, you can feel that beautiful weather down in your bones. 

Tonight, a friend of mine is boilin’ up some crawdads, and I need to bring a side.  Cornbread?  Dirty rice?  Something with corn in it?  Black eyed peas?  C’mon.  I’m a good cook, but I’m not a poser.  I’m not from the South, and if I attempted any of those dishes, it would be pretty damn obvious.  So, what to make?

I decided to take my twist on a spring/summer staple of both Omaha and the Midwest in  general– potato  salad.  The marvelous beauty of potato salad is that there is absolutely no consensus on how to make it.  People use all sorts of different things in theirs, including yours truly.  And while you’ll see I do have some iron-clad rules, for the most part, potato salad is hard to make incorrectly.  Today, I’m going to share one great way this dish can be enjoyed.  Here’s what you need:

1 pickle spear (use Claussen or you’re crazy)

Hellman’s Mayonnaise (if you use anything else, you should be arrested)

2 hard-boiled eggs

 1/3-1/2 of a red onion

1/2 of a largish zucchini

Tabasco sauce

Paprika

Salt n’peppa

To start– you probably don’t have hard-boiled eggs sitting around, so make some of those.  While that’s happening, you can start on the prep work. 

Start by finely mincing/dicing your red onion.  When it’s nice and fine, do the same to the zucchini.  And finally, do it once more.  With the pickle this time.  Season it all with a good dose of pepper.

                    Fixins to make some killer potato salad. Love that zucchini.

When that’s done, take your potatoes and cut the eyes out really quick.  Give them a short rinse and scrub while you’re at it.  Whatever you do, though, don’t peel them.  You leave the skins on in my potato salad, and you’re going to love me for it.

Your eggs are hopefully done by now.  When they are, or if they were already ready, go ahead and dice that egg up now and put it with the other fixins.  Now you’re ready to boil potatoes. 

Toss them in the pot whole and boil them until they’re tender.  Don’t boil them past that point or they’ll be too mushy for our needs. 

When the potatoes are ready, take them out and slice them into big chunks.  Some people peel them here, but like I said– we want to keep our skins on.  So, humor me for  the time being.  Slice them into big chunks like you’d want in your salad.  While they’re still warm, put about 2/3 of them in a big mixing bowl.  Squirt in a nice helping of Hellman’s (just enough to coat, no more, no less):

Coat the potatoes well, and then add your fixins.  Add a nice sprinkle of Lawry’s seasoning salt.  Stir it all up nicely to get it all evenly coated.  When that’s done, add the rest of your potatoes, and more Hellman’s if necessary.  Now, stir the whole thing up again, to evenly coat.  Pour in a generous dash of Tabasco sauce to give it some good kick.  Sprinkle just a little bit more Lawry’s and pepper.  Give it one more good stir.  To finish, garnish it with a dusting of paprika. 

That’s it, folks.  Chris’ Sassy & Savory Potato Salad.  Pack it up and take it to a picnic this spring and let me know what you think! 

So, let’s get this out of the way first— hot tzatziki sounds disgusting.  Hot yogurt just does not sound appetizing.  This is not lost on me.  I remembered, though,  that almost all Indian food uses a yogurt base in their sauce, and it’s served warm or hot all the time.  I decided to take a stab at greek pizza.   It’s absolutely delicious, and VERY easy to make, so follow me on this odyssey.

For those who are unfamiliar, tzatziki is a greek yogurt sauce, traditionally served cold.  When you get a gyro anywhere on the planet, that white sauce that comes on it is tzatziki.

To make this pizza, first you’ve got to start with tzatziki.  I’m going to mention here that the smallest amount of tzatziki you will make is still way more than you’ll use for pizza.  Consequently, plan on making more than one pizza, or have a gyro night the evening before/after.  If you don’t have a seasoned, rotating slab of lamb in that pantry of yours, some seasoned chicken will work just fine for homemade gyros.  And don’t stress about pita bread; unless you’re a super-traditionalist (is there such a thing when it comes to greek food?) you can just use tortillas if you can’t find what you need.

Here’s how you make the tzatziki:  First start with 8 ozs of plain GREEK yogurt.  Greek is the key word here.  You can buy this mostly anywhere, HyVee or Wohlners in Omaha sell it.  If you’re not in Omaha, I can’t help you.  You also need to buy a cucumber.

Take HALF of this cucumber (you don’t need the whole thing yet) and cut THAT in half.  You should now have two “fourths” of a cucumber.  Use a spoon or a knife to cut out all the seeds and that water crap in the center.  Error on the side of getting too much out, rather than not enough.  Too much water in this cucumber will ruin your tzatziki and make it super runny.

Take the cucumber and cut it into small slices.  Then put it between two layers of paper towels, press to get some water out, and/or let it sit for a while to soak some water out.  Again, and I can’t stress this enough, you want to get as much water out of this cucumber as you can.  So, if you have the time to devote to letting it sit a while, it’s worth it.

After your cucumber is nice and “dry” put it in a blender (or Magic Bullet!) with the Greek Yogurt (8 oz).  Here you’re going to add nice helpings of garlic (fresh or minced) and dill.  Then add a little bit of pepper and a tiny bit of salt.  Add about a tablespoon of lemon juice, and then anything else you want to season it with.  Blend it all up until it’s nice and smooth, all liquid.  Then, put it in the fridge (covered) and let it mellow out.  Tzatziki is like guacamole; you don’t NEED to let it sit, but if you do, the flavors really start to combine and come out very nicely.  So, it’s recommended.  An hour or two here will definitely do it.

THAT’S IT.  That’s homemade tzatziki.  When it’s done, it will look like this delicious stuff right here:

Ohoy, that's good tzatziki! What have you got there, lemon juice?

Now, you’re ready to enjoy.  If you’re still feeling adventurous (I know, I’m asking a lot) continue with me while I explain greek pizza.

I’ll start with why I came up with this.  I had a gyro night, but had tons of tzatziki left.  There really wasn’t much else for me to do with it.  I had some chef boyardee dough in the cupboard (chef boyardee sells these pizza “kits” which come with dough mix and sauce.  Super cheap and easier than making dough from scratch).  I said to myself, what would the perverse love-child of these two look like?  And an idea was born.

So, start with making your pizza dough, however you know best.  If you use chef boyardee, you’ll get a ball like this in about 5 mins of work:

Pop and fresh, you gluttonous little dough boy.

When you’ve got your dough all ready to go, let it cook for about 5 mins or so, then take it out of the oven and smear generous helpings of tzatziki to be your sauce.  Then, top it with veggies/chicken.  Here’s what I used: pre-cooked chicken seasoned with lemon pepper and garlic, tomatoes, cucumbers and mushrooms (you should add olives if you like them) all seasoned with paprika, salt and pepper (maybe a tiny bit of dill).

Cooked cucumber is unexpectedly delicious; not many recipes call for cucumber to be cooked.

Spread them all out on the sauce and add some mozzarella (you can use feta if you’d like, but you have to use a lot of it to top a pizza, and it’s a)more expensive and b)way worse for you health-wise).   Now put it back in the oven, finished cooking it and:

Party. Pizza party.

Enjoy, folks.  Thanks for reading.  Oh, yeah, and wash it down with some of this (not greek, but still damn delicious):

"Is it an IPA?" No.

Anywho– for those of you who don’t know what Nutella is, evidently you’ve never been to Europe.  It’s literally everywhere.  But here is a picture for ya:

"Nutella: Part of a Balanced Breakfast. Emphasis on Balanced."

I saw this commercial, and decided while at the store today, “Man, I love peanut butter, but I know it’s not really the best for me.  I’ll try this Nutella.  It’s gotta be better for me.  Marketing says so.”

So, imagine my surprise, when I get it home and read the nutrition label.  Let’s take a closer look at just how good Nutella is for you.

A serving is 2 TBSP.  That’s not a lot.  And it comes to 200 calories.  Let’s say that again:  2 TBSP for 200 calories.  That’s the same as butter.

How do those 200 calories break down?  Well, the first thing on the ingredients list is “Sugar.”  I wish I was kidding.  Specifically, of the 37 grams of Nutella in one serving, 21g of it are sugar.  That’s 56% of the weight.  How does THAT compare?

Well, this article attempts to rank the 20 most sugary cereals, and says it’s exactly equivalent to Honey Smacks.  So I’m putting Honey Smacks on my toast.  (By the way, when you have a free moment, you should read that article.  What the hell are they doing?  Of the “most sugary cereals” none of them include almost any cereal you’ve ever heard of.  Most center on these faux healthy cereals.  Which, has it’s own point I guess.  But, why didn’t they call the article that?  Stupid. )

Nutella is also considerably weak in the protein department.  A muscle-shrinking 3g compared to 7g of mighty peanut butter.  (also, peanut butter has only 3 g of sugar for the same portion size.   Though it has more fat).

While we’re on fat, though…Nutella doesn’t do too well here, either.  18% of your saturated fat in those 2 TBSP.  Hope you like being a lardass.

REVIEW:

Nutella is NOT for breakfast.  You’d think that something that Euro-trash and hippies hold so dear would end up being an exception, but it’s not.  Just another example of the rule that commericals almost always, almost invariably lie.  And this is coming from a guy who loves commercials.

The message:  If Europeans keep eating this hazelnut-cocoa goo they will soon be fatter than us.  I’ll definitely use this as a dessert, but a healthy snack it is NOT.  I’ll take George Washington Carver’s legume paste any day.

You will need the following:

Apple Cider Vinegar (alternatively, could be balsamic or whatever vinegar you want to use in your dressing)

Olive Oil

Cilantro

Honey

1 Mango (make sure it’s ripe, folks.  If you don’t know, ask the produce man.  You CANNOT cut into a un-ripened mango.  I dare you to try)

Salt and Peppa

Blender/magic bullet and a whisk (use the blender over the Magic Bullet if you have both in this case)

Lime Juice

Spinach

Slivered almonds (I recommend Herman’s nuthouse)

Gouda (and a cheese grater.  If you don’t have a cheese grater, you can just buy shredded cheese, but I REALLY recommend the Gouda on this salad, came out very nice)

1 ripe Avocado

Shrimp

To make the dressing:

I found a website just showing basically how to make Vinaigrette.  The best thing is, after you know how to do this, you can make whatever flavors you really want with it.  The base works for lots of stuff!

Here’s what you do for this one:

Put 1/3 cup of Apple Cider Vinegar (you can get this at HyVee, not hard to find nor expensive, it’s made by Heinz) into a blender with the mango after peeling it, pitting it and chopping it.  Also, include about a 1 teaspoon of honey and a 1/2 TBS to 1 TBS of cilantro.  Fresh would be best, but I just used the dried kind that come in spice bottles and it tasted find.  Also, add a healthy squirt of lime juice.  Now, puree all of this in the blender.

Now, you have a nice light yellowish to whitish (depending on your mango) goop.  Don’t worry.  It smells strong but this will taste delish.  Now, add a little salt and pepper.  If you wanted to add other spices, you’d do that here.  We don’t want to.  Instead, we’re going to slowly drizzle the olive oil in here, WITH THE BLENDER RUNNING.

I’ll spare you a lengthy science lesson, but this is an emulsion dish; meaning you are combining oil and vinegar. They hate each other, so you have to add it slow and let the blender keep combining it.  If you don’t have a blender (like Meeeeee) you have to use the whisk.  You’ll probably buy a blender the next day.  Because whisking this by hand sucks.  You have to go as slow in a drizzle with this oil as you can.  I used 1 cup of olive oil.

When that’s combined, you’re done!  Serve at room temp. See what it looks like below.

Mango Vinaigrette

The salad–

Create a nice bed of spinach.  Sprinkle it with slivered almonds.  Now, grate the precious gouda over the salad.  Lastly, add some chopped avocado.  Top with the vinaigrette and a nice squirt of lime juice (black pepper doesn’t hurt either!)

The shrimp

Easy, folks.  Just saute some shrimp in a tiny bit of olive oil, occasionally adding squirts of lime juice and black pepper.  When cooked, add to the salad or serve on the side.

That’s it!  Check out how it looks!!  It’s absolutely delicious!!

Good stuff.

The Review

I’m going to review my own dish here.  Gutsy, I know.  Here’s how I see it.  First of all, the taste.  The vinaigrette came out very lovely.  I was surprised how it tasted because this was my first time really trying this, though I’ve done emulsions before.  It has a very sweet taste to it, and really brings the dish alive.

The salad, with the vinaigrette has great balance.  The gouda and the avocado create a very complex layering against the sweetness of the lime and the vinaigrette.  The shrimp, with the black pepper and lime compliment very nicely.

In terms of prep, this is a win all-around.  First off, the salad is really easy to create (if you have a decent cheese grater, I’d say less than 5 minutes) and sauteed shrimp is about the easiest thing to do in the world.  The vinaigrette is the most complex part, but it still took me probably less than 10 minutes to do.  In addition, this is a HUGE skill to learn; being able to make salad dressings with your own flavoring like vinaigrettes is HUGE, because they impress your friends and compliment your food very nicely.

In addition, the salad/vinaigrette can be separated from the shrimp here and made as a side to another dish.  Be careful here, though; I don’t think this would go well with red meat.  But, a nice porkchop or a blackened/seared chicken would be divine.  Bleu cheese might go well with this, too.

Pair this with a mexican beer (Modelo or Corona) or a crisp white wine such as a Riesling and you’re SET.

If you try it, please post your comments.  Thanks for reading, as always.

This is a rather simple one again, with very limited prep time, but like the Endive w/Gorgonzola (see the Gorgonzola Chicken post!) it has a very complex flavor to it and is sure to delight.  This is the key behind a good appetizer; you can think of it like first impressions.  You want something that isn’t going to make you bust your hump, since it’s just an appetizer, but if properly executed it will thoroughly impress your guests and instantly put everyone in a very good and social mood.  Works like a charm!

You’re going to want to start with some goat cheese.  Don’t freak out; if you’ve never had goat cheese, this is your chance to try it.  And you should.  Because you’re scared over nothing.  Goat cheese tastes really no different from regular cheese.  It’s usually very creamy; so much so that you can basically spread it at room temperature.  But unlike most creamy cheeses, it’s not a bleu cheese.  That means it doesn’t have any sort of sharp bite or sourness to it, which depending on what you’re going for can be very refreshing.

This is the kind I usually buy:

The goat cheese. B-aa-aa-aaah.

That’s a tiny 4 oz package of Soignon brand.  I get it at Wholner’s.  Surprise.

You can kind of judge how much of this you need based on how many people you’re having over, but I’m going to recommend three packages, which goes further than you’d think.  Take all three packages, put them all in a bowl, so you just have a big bowl o’goat cheese.

Now, take about a cup or so of walnuts (the freshest you can get!) and just crush ‘em up.  Crush ‘em good.  You can use a knife, or a rolling pin, or a car, or whatever.  Now you have a big pile of walnut crumbles.
Take a nice handful of fresh parsley, and chop this up into a fine pile using a sharp knife.  Now, mix it together with the chopped walnuts, so that it’s just a big mix of parsley and nuts.  If you want, you can put them all in a covered bowl and just shake it around to get it nice and mixed.

Take the goat cheese, and roll it into tiny little balls with your hands.  You can make them whatever size you want; there are no rules.   I make them about the same size as what you’d do if you were making cookies out of cookie dough.  That little size.  Now, roll them carefully through the nut/parsley, which of course sticks delightfully to the side of your cheese ball.  Repeat until all the cheese is gone!  Boosh— classy cheeseballs.

This goes great with some red wine.  Enjoy!!  (Sorry no pictures; I made this a while ago and forgot to take some.  Next time, I promise).  Thanks for reading, as always.

First, I took three small ears of corn.  The operative word here is “small;” after the corn was stripped from the cob it was about a cup?  Maybe slightly more, but really not much.

So you take these ears of corn and pull the husks down.  NOT OFF.  That’s down, folks, as if you’re peeling a banana and would want to put it back together again.  Cuz that’s what you’re going to do.  So you pull the husk down and remove all the “silk.”  Then, here you can butter it or put it a little olive oil on the corn.  Now, pull the husks back up and twist them up so that the corn is covered again and will stay that way. At least as much as possible.  Doesn’t have to be perfect.  Cooking them with the husks gives this corn a very nice smoky, grill flavor.  In fact, you can grill these whole cobs instead of searing them in your skillet if you’d rather.

Now, put the corn in a skillet on medium, with just a small amount of olive oil.  These are going to create smoke!  Don’t worry about it, just put your range fan on.  Also, these husks will start to look burnt, but don’t worry— the corn will be absolutely fine.

When the corn is done, you need to slice the corn off the cob into a bowl.  Use a steak knife to do a kind of combo sawing motion/scraping motion.  Throw the husks and cobs away.

Now you’ve got a bowl of fresh, hot, corn!!  Put in about a teaspoon of salt or seasoning salt (AHEM, LAWRY’s), a tablespoon or tbsp and a half of honey, and about a third of a cup of ricotta cheese.  Ricotta is an Italian cheese (it’s the stuff inside of lasagna usually), somewhere in viscosity between cream cheese and whipped cream.  Very soft, very BLAND cheese.  The key word here is bland, only because you can season it to taste like whatever you want.  In this case…corn & honey.  I put in a half tbsp of olive oil here too.  Ricotta also has less than 1/2 the fat and calories of cream cheese per ounce (or whatever measurement you want to use) making this a much healthier dip than you’re used to.

Now, stir it up!!  When it’s stirred up, you can serve it hot/warm like that, or you can do what I did and put it in the fridge for 30 minutes to let it mellow out.  The flavors will really come alive when you do that.  I recommend serving with pita points or tortilla chips for the vehicle on this dip.  ENJOY!!  Thanks for reading.

I love pizza.  Let’s get that out of the way.  So much so, that I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I might love pizza more than anyone you’ve ever known.  I’ve eaten pizza in Ireland, England, New York, Chicago, Seattle, Orlando, Kansas City….well, you get the idea.  Nom Nom— is what I’m trying to say.  But let’s focus on a certain place where we all have pizza once in a while– at home.

The good folks at Digiorno, if that is their real name (it isn’t.  They are distributed by Kraft foods.  The same fine establishment that brings you Jacks) have decided to tout a business model of, “Well, it’s about as good as you can possibly get in a frozen pizza next to delivery.”  So much so, in fact, that their commercials feature would-be-date-rapists posing as pizza delivery men with the intent of breaking into parties filled with hot chicks and people cooler than them by passing Digiorno off as delivery.

This is a boastful claim because Papa Murphy’s (or, the OTHER Papa’s Pizza) of course boasts frozen pizzas that they claim are also as good as delivery.  Of course, unlike Digiorno, Papa Murphy’s business model is completely retarded.  Because unlike Digiorno, Papa Murphy’s makes you come to their own brick-and-mortar store, and then charges you 40% more.  Seriously.  Retarded.

But, moving on, I don’t know how many of you have had Digiorno before, but I thought it would be good to adjudicate their claim.  Keep Kraft Foods honest.  Stick it to the man.  And so on.

So, when you first taste Digiorno (I’m eating Rising Crust Italian Sausage, by the way) the first thing is— “Wow, that’s actually pretty tasty.  How do they do that?”   Well.  I’ll tell you.  The sodium content is 960mg of Sodium for 1/6 of a pizza.  Just how much is that?  Well Jack’s pizza (which is crappy, very salty pizza) has only 580 for 1/6.  And this isn’t ordinary Jacks– that’s for the Jacks rising crust.  That’s a lot of salt.  Still want to compare?  Totino’s (General Mills) Sausage Party Pizza has only 1600 in the WHOLE THING.  Far less.

What does sodium do to you?  I’m not a doctor folks.  Ask someone who knows shit.  But, I can tell you, too much of anything is always bad.  And that’s a lot of salt.

The Calories?  2100 to Totino’s 720.  Let me say that again….2100……to 720.  If someone were to ask you, “God, what’s a terrible thing for kid’s to eat?”  Totino’s comes to mind.  Every time I see a Pizza Rolls commercial I’m like, “How did I eat that crap?”
Apparently because it was the key to my once trim figure.  And Digiorno was the Kryptonite.  Two Totino’s pizzas was still less than one Digiorno; in fact, apparently three was damn close.

The taste isn’t that much better folks— there’s more cheese, the crust is thicker than Jack’s or Totino’s, but it’s still frozen pizza.  And it sure isn’t delivery.

But, how does Digiorno do against it’s delivery counterparts?  Well, you can tell it’s going to be bad, because Pizza Hut’s website starts off with this self-serving piece of editorialism:

Pizza can be part of a well-balanced meal. Ingredients in our pizzas include protein, complex carbohydrates, vitamin A and calcium. And, depending on the toppings you choose, our pizzas have items from all of the four major food groups – meat, dairy, fruits and vegetables, and grains! So take a closer look within our menu for suggestions when counting calories and fat grams.

Translation:  Um, Yeah, dude.  This is bad for you.  So use your head.  But how bad is it?

NOT AS BAD AS DIGIORNO.  Digiorno is 2100 remember, a medium italian sausage at Pizza Hut is only 1920.  Ho-ly shit.  Similar overall, but edges out Digiorno in just about every category.

Aaaaaand…I’ve heard enough.  Time to review:

Value:  F.  Jack’s and Totino’s are much much much cheaper and evidently, slightly better for you.  Who knew?

Taste:  Compared to delivery- D, compared to frozen pizza- A.  It is much better than Frozen pizza in general, I must say.  But don’t even try to enter consideration with pizza fresh from a real pizzeria oven.  Just…save your dignity.  Your slogan should be, “Of course it’s not delivery, Jackass.  It’s Digiorno.  What are you, blind?”

Overall:  D.  Why am I not surprised that the same company who is able to bring us Velveeta (the pasteurized prepared cheese product) was able to somehow make a frozen pizza with hardly any toppings on it worse for you than Pizza Hut?  I’m glad I didn’t have a beer with it.  I’d be having like a 1500 calorie dinner.

Let’s start here; there are two different types of mustard seeds.  Yellow and Brown seeds.  Hope I didn’t lose you there.  Near as I can tell, there isn’t much of a difference between the two seeds, but the Brown ones appear to be hotter, and are traditionally used in Asian cuisine.  The yellow ones are also very hot, so don’t let this fool you.  I think it’s really more of a sour or acrid hot than the brown.

Yellow Mustard Seeds!

In any case, the two different types of seeds make mustard making a very touchy and deep process.  Think about this for a moment.  Think about what mustard tastes like, think about what you’d want to add to it.  Simple enough.  Now try it with Yellow.  Now try it with Brown.  Now try it half and half.  Now try it 25% to 75% mix….you get the idea.  This was actually rather a delight to discover, because it means that it takes a while to get good at it.  And means you can have quite a bit of fun.

Now, to start…I made two different kinds of mustard.  I did a honey-dill mustard and a beer-southwestern.  Here is the base recipe/method I used to give you an idea and get you started.  After the recipes, I’ll review the taste.

Honey-Dill Mustard

1/4 cup of yellow mustard seeds

1/4 cup of brown mustard seeds

1 TB water

1 TB dill

2 tsp of honey

honey bear.

Vinegar (or apple-cider vinegar) I used I think 1/2 C.

Put in a food processor/blender/magic bullet, grind it up

put it in a STERLIZED jar or tupperware, Set for approx 4 days at room temperature.  Taste will mellow over time at room temperature, but once it’s where you want it, put keep it in the fridge to stop the aging.  When you first make mustard, it is HOT.  And I mean HOT.  It will burn your nose, your eyes, and man will it have a kick.  But it really mellows with age (like humans!) and will eventually start to show the flavors you put in.

Southwestern-Beer:

1/4 c of yellow

1/4 c of brown

3/4 c of beer. (I used Modelo)

Soak the seeds in beer overnight.

Next day, add 1/2 c of cider vinegar, 1/2-1 TB of minced onion (dried is fine), and SPICE (I used 2 TB of a southwestern spice, but you could use thyme or whatever you want).  Let this soak with the beer/seeds for about 20 mins.  Transfer to the food processor and follow the same instructions on the last recipe.

REVIEW–

The honey-dill is just perfect.  You can taste a very subtle sweetness in there that is definitely the honey.  It’s not overwhelming though– like I said, very subtle and well done.  It also really has a kick to it because it’s freshly ground mustard— it’s not so much that it’s super-spicy, but just enough bite that you can recognize that this is what mustard is supposed to taste like, and this is why people clearly fell in love with it.  I really like the recipe, and it’s also fairly dry compared to the beer mustard.  Very grainy yet.  But I like that look.

It doesn’t come out yellow like store-bought….this is a shock to some folks.  Store-bought mustard is colored using Tumeric, which you can buy yourself and color if you’re really interested in doing so.

The southwestern-beer….I don’t know how I feel about this.  I nailed the beer part, but I really think the southwestern part was off.  Gives it a sweet-and-sourness that is actually quite well balanced, but I’m not crazy about sweet and sour medelies, and thus this really isn’t my particular favorite.  But I can recognize some folks might like this a lot.  I might recommend using cumin or Thyme or maybe even Lawry’s (less than TB if so) instead of the southwestern.

Folks– overall, this was a massive amount of fun, really not too complicated (now that I’ve told you what you’re doing) and super cheap.  The mustard seeds (which I got through Penzeys) were circa $4 a pound, which is an insane amount for a very low price.  You can get jars very cheap also, which is probably a must, and if you don’t have the spices I mentioned on hand…well…buy ‘em.  You’ll have plenty to spare and they’re typically like .89!!  Homemade mustard will make GREAT gifts and will keep about a month in the fridge!

I hope you enjoyed this feature!  Thanks for reading and I welcome any questions.

I wasn’t really sure what to expect; the website kind of makes it sound like a blend of a very nice drinking lounge and a classy restaurant; the problem with that is, every “classy lounge” in Omaha turns into a raucous mess with Dj’s and shitty rap music within 2  months of opening (I miss the Starlite in Lincoln).  So, I was concerned about what I might be getting into.

My girlfriend and I got there at 6pm on a Friday.  Hardly anyone there.  I couldn’t really tell if that was good or bad.  It’s a very modern decor– art on the walls, minimalist and open, glass wall filled entirely with wine.  The view of Turner Park is surprisingly beautiful; I though from the outside that it wasn’t going to be any good, but now that I’ve seen it I’m anxious to come back and try their patio (it was like 80% humidity when I was there this time).

I got a bourbon barrel smoked pork chop.  It won’t be there by the time you go; this guy changes his menu frequently and uses local stuff.  Which is excellent.  And really, it puts itself in a class of only about a handful of restaurants (I’d specifically argue two others, but people would maybe disagree with me) including the Boiler Room and V Mertz.  And the prices are about the same.

The pork chop was extremely good; very tender, good cut, still on the bone, but not difficult to get off.  The smoking was very well done; if you let it dance on your pallette you could really taste the smoke in it, but it was definitely not over done.  It came with a side of creamed corn, which almost made me just stand up and leave, but wow— I don’t know what the hell you do to corn to make it taste that good, but I have to find out.  It was amazing.

My girlfriend got the sea bass; I tasted it.  Fish is not my thing, folks.  So I’m just going to say this– it definitely wasn’t seasoned.  Now, maybe that was by design, maybe that’s the way fish is supposed to be.  I don’t know, I don’t wanna know.  But I thought it was bland.  There, I said it.

For dessert, I got the peach cheesecake.  There wasn’t really anything peach about it; it tasted just like New York cheesecake, but it was downright tasty.  Surprisingly light and airy for a cheesecake, though I’m sure that was just illusion.  I’m sure it was 1000 calories as always.

Overall, here’s how I rate it:

Value:  B.  For HIGH END (cheapest i saw was 19 a plate), it was okay for what I paid.  I think I liked the boiler room better for what I paid, but I definitely need to give Loft another shot and that may change this for better or worse.

Service: C.  V Mertz and Boiler Room have them beat here.  They need to pull it together.  I had to send a drink back (wasn’t made right at all), and I had to wait for a lot of stuff, even though it was dead.  The server was extremely nice, but when I’m paying over 20 a plate, my service needs to be better than what I’d get at Mark’s or Dario’s.  Those are decent servers, but at these higher end places service needs to be outstanding.  V Mertz and Boiler Room get that, I don’t think Loft does yet.  There is a certain seriousness you feel in the air with the service at the other two; Loft just reaks of that immature, some-of-us-are-still-in-our-first-week-of-work feel.

Food: A.  The food really was good and this chef, whoever he is, won’t have trouble competing in the same realm as the aforementioned.  I’m anxious to see how the Grey Plume compares.

Bar:  ??  depends on what you want.  They only had like 8 beers, which I thought was just ridiculously stupid, but they appear to have an insane amount of wine and they had some very high end liquor.

Overall:  B.  For a higher end place, I give this a B, which is a solid recommend.  do check it out, you won’t be disappointed, but I’m anxious to try it again in 6 months or so when the “kinks” are out.

Thanks for reading today.  In my kitchen as I type, I have several homemade mustards martinating.  When they’re done (circa 4 days) expect a feature of Mustard Madness!!